Extinguishment Relation


Extinguishment is characterized by the sudden and intense ignition of interest, which however cannot sustain itself and will eventually get extinguished out of the blue, to the surprise and disappointment of both people.

Extinguishment partners meet almost just as often and easily as Quasi-Identicals, for their interests are very similar – both being part of the same Club. In the early stages of the interaction, Extinguishment partners will primarily showcase their Role function, which is of special interest to the other person. Additionally, the complementary temperaments as well as Cognitive Styles will create even more attraction and interest, for they are identical to one’s Dual. In a way, Extinguishment partners “activate” each other more than Activity partners do – in the beginning. Just like in Activity, the people may experience a sense of excitement and elation. If there is also some amount of sexual attraction, both people will certainly try to establish a romantic relationship.

Unfortunately, the more the Extinguishment partners get to know each other and actually tap into the full expression of their Ego functions, the more they will realize that their views and attitudes on life are not similar at all, being part of opposite Quadras. This is the extinguishment of the fire. First entirely enamoured, now the two must face the reality that there is no real foundation supporting their admiration. If the interaction was of a romantic nature, the relationship will ultimately disintegrate. If it was of a platonic nature, their interactions will have long pauses in-between them. Similar to Activity, Extinguishment friendships need periodic breaks, but differently from Activity those breaks are much longer.

It has commonly been proposed that Semi-Duality  resembles the “moth to the flame” scenario, but this does apply more to Extinguishment – for the moth inevitable dies when it meets the flame, and so do Extinguishment romantic relationships usually always die once the people truly know each other. In that manner, Extinguishment also resembles the dynamic of infatuation where both people fall madly in love with each other at first, not noticing any of the flaws and discrepancies, just to fall out of love once the rose-coloured glasses have fallen off and they see the other person for who they truly are.

Needless to say, Extinguishment is rarely to be found amongst long-term romantic relationships. It is especially rare for the Logical types, who are generally more inclined to date Ethical types.

All in all, Extinguishment can be an invigorating and interesting relation, but because of its lack of stability as well as common ground, it is not recommended for long-lasting romantic relationships like marriage. Extinguishment is much easier to handle in short-term dating, or any kind of open relationship that does not require stable exclusive commitment. Extinguishment friendships can be positively stimulating, but with too little distance also have the tendency to bring confusion and potential drama. Hence Extinguishment is best in work settings with a positive, friendly atmosphere, where both partners can contribute freely and stimulate the other with an appropriate amount of psychological distance.


Stars: ★ out of 5.

Note: For a long-term romantic relationship, at least ★★★ stars are recommended.

Click here for examples of intertype relation matches.


One comment

  1. the ENFP girls can somehow read the ‘girl field’ how other girls feel about the people in the environment. So ridiculous things happen, they (ENFP) arrive in a social environment and walk right over and start talking to you (INFJ). And then the horror part that none of us wants to talk about is the Ti when you talk , they don’t understand (jokes don’t work) (they understand the next day, cuz their intuition works overnight). So its like communicating with them at ‘by letter’ speeds, it hurts badly. (there must be other kinds of INFJ that don’t care about the Ti, and they are OK with ENFP) When they get older , the Te seeking part comes out , they love Te and want you (like ISTJs) to value them for their Te knowledge (which you don’t, you want Ti understanding)


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