Male INTJs tend to look for an equal; not necessarily in terms of logical capabilities, but in overall temperament.
Most MBTI sites recommend ENFPs or even ENTPs for INTJs.
While ENFPs are a fairly good match for INTJs, ENTPs are surprisingly ill-suited to them! The main reason being, that ENTPs and INTJs have none of the same functions in common, which on a closer level creates more discord and issues than harmony. And ENFPs only have half of the same functions in common.
The true, quite underestimated dream partner for most INTJ men is an ISFP.
But how so? Here are the key factors.
- Both share the same functions. INTJs and ISFPs both share Introverted Intuition, Extroverted Sensing, Introverted Feeling, and Extroverted Thinking. This creates a common ground, from which they judge and perceive the world. They both agree on what overall matters when it comes to interacting and analyzing the world, and how to act in and prioritize aspects in a romantic relationship.
- Male Thinker with a Feeling type. Thinkers in general, but especially the men are typically the most drawn to Feeling types, who can maintain and regulate the emotional intimacy within a relationship the best. An INTJ male may be initially interested in dating a fellow Thinker, with whom he could connect well on an intellectual basis, but more often than not, he will be drawn to the emotionality of a Feeler when he searches for love, guided by his tertiary Introverted Feeling.
- Male Introvert with an Introvert. According to Marti Laney PsyD MFT, (heterosexual) introverted men do the best with fellow introverted partners; and her research has concluded that relationships between two introverts reported the most relationship satisfaction. I would not suggest that double Introvert matches are the most ideal for all introverts, though it seems like for INTJ men, it is indeed best if their partner is a fellow introvert. (More on that below.)
- Low-Maintenance: ISFPs tend to be more low-maintenance when it comes to sharing the same space with someone (being fellow introverts), which complements the INTJ’s tendency to withdraw when dealing with intellectual subject matters or other issues. ExFx individuals could be too difficult to “tame” in general – e.g. due to emotional outbursts, the need for a lot of social interactions etc., which could be a major stressor for an INTJ male.
- Closer Intuitive/Mental Connection: INTJ men can find themselves being attracted to ExFx people, but more often than not they find they lack a certain depth of understanding. The ISFP’s tertiary Introverted Intuition, coupled with the other shared functions, provides more of a shared intuitive mind connection. INTJ men do require a fair amount of intellectual connection, and besides a fellow INTJ or ENTJ, the best kind will be with an ISFP. ESFPs, especially the women, tend to be less “intellectual” and more surface-based, which can be attractive, but in combination with their typically strong need for being “tamed”, many INTJ men find ESFPs too troubling to commit to for the long-term.
At last, you may wonder:
But what about the N-S and P-J mismatching?
Truth: N-S and J-P “mismatching” is not an issue, and can actually be complementary as long as both types share the same functions.
Other good matches for INTJ men: INTJ, ESFP (when mature), ENTJ (when “ambiverted”), ENFP (when both are “ambiverted”)
What are your thoughts on or experiences with INTJ-ISFP relationships? Tell us in the comments. 🙂
Help me keep bringing you content by donating how much you like and/or find this content is worth.