The Best Romantic Match for Female ESFPs

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Female ESFPs commonly go through a string of heart-wrenching relationships and devastating break-ups with guys who are as untamable as themselves. The question is, what type of guy is actually best for their temperament?

Most MBTI sites recommend ISTJs or even ISFJs for ESFPs.

While ISTJs are a fairly good match for ESFPs, ISFJs are surprisingly ill-suited to them! The main reason being, that ISFJs and ESFPs have none of the same functions in common, which on a closer level creates more discord and issues than harmony. And ISTJs only have half of the same functions in common.

The true and unexpected dream partner for most ESFP women is an ISFP.

But how so? Here are the key points.

  • Both share the same functions. ISFPs and ESFPs both share Introverted Intuition, Extroverted Sensing, Introverted Feeling, and Extroverted Thinking. This creates a common ground, from which they judge and perceive the world. They both agree on what overall matters when it comes to interacting and analyzing the world, and how to act in and prioritize aspects in a romantic relationship.
  • The ESFP’s extroversion is tempered by another’s introversion. ESFPs do best with a partner who is an introvert, no matter their gender or sex. In most cases, the ESFP is quite a sociable and even somewhat overbearing individual who plays the leading part in their own movie. In the relationship with an extrovert, she’d encounter too many power struggles. Furthermore, there’d be no balance in her life; she would not introspect enough, be too reliant on the external world and lose herself in it. The introversion of an ISFP creates a good balance for the ESFP.
  • Shared interests and same mental wavelength. ISFPs and ESFPs have many overlapping interests and are on the same mental wavelength, being both xSFPs. The only other type that would be a better match in that domain is a fellow ESFP.
  • Being tamed, but not controlled nor let too loose. As alluded to earlier, ESFP women are like wild lionesses who require to be tamed in a fashion that is neither too controlling nor too lax. An ISFP can step up to this challenge, having Extroverted Sensing as their second function. With other types, especially those like ESTJs and ENTJs, their “grip” on their partner is either too strong, or it is too weak; an ESFP female likes her freedom, but she doesn’t like to feel constricted; and someone who lets her reign too freely is going to lose her, too. That’s why an INTJ male, who could be a good match in many other ways, is ultimately not the best fit for an ESFP female in the “real world” and in practice, despite what Socionics may suggest. An INTJ male would typically eventually feel tired or overburdened by having to tame an ESFP female, and rather opt for an ISFP instead.

Other good matches for ESFP women: INTJ (when the ESFP is more intellectual and tempered), ESFP (when both are mature and tempered), ENTJ (when the ESFP is more tempered), ISTJ (when both are “ambiverted”) 


What are your thoughts on or experiences with ESFP-ISFP relationships? Tell us in the comments. 🙂


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