12 Steps to Healthy Secure Attachment

couple-1030744_960_720.jpg

The quality of your relationships, especially your romantic ones, does hinge to a significant extent on both your and your partner’s attachment styles. At least one of you two needs to be securely attached in order to have a fulfilling relationship.

Besides that, being securely attached comes with a host of other benefits; feeling more confident, being more open to interacting and connecting with people with ease, and so forth.

Someone recently asked for the 12 Steps from Insecure towards Secure Attachment. Here’s my take on it. (The focus of this article lies on romantic relationships, but you can apply this to platonic relationships as well, with slight alterations.)

  1. Realize there is a problem when it comes to your interactions and attachments with people (esp. romantic partners).
  2. Read up on attachment style theory.
  3. Read up on the insecure attachment style of your (past) partner(s).
  4. Get over the inevitable “villain-ization process” when you are a Love Addict/Preoccupied person who used to chase after Love Avoidants/Dismissives. If you are a Love Avoidant/Dismissive, get over that denial of having had no fault when it comes to how your relationships failed in the past.
  5. Read up on your attachment style, get to the bottom of it, and see how you fit the descriptions/profile.
  6. Develop the desire to change. This can take quite a while for Love Avoidants. Recognize how much your insecure attachment style has ruined or seriously jeopardized your (past) relationship(s).
  7. Read up on healthy/secure attachment style behavior.
  8. Learn to recognize quickly whether someone is insecurely or securely attached.
  9. Only go for people who are securely attached in romance, and discard those who show strong signs of being insecurely attached in romance.
  10. Emulate healthy attachment style behavior as best as you can.
  11. Keep trying to act as if you were securely attached. Recognize when you are falling back into old patterns. Don’t stop with readjusting. Eventually your attachment style will change, because your actions will create a new habit of relating to another. (If you’ve been single before, you are now in a relationship with a secure partner.)
  12. Keep improving your attachment style behavior and foster genuine, healthy intimacy with your partner. Celebrate the fact you haven’t fallen back into negative old patterns for a long time.

How did you move from Insecure to Secure Attachment? Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below! 🙂


Help me keep bringing you content by donating how much you like and/or find this content is worth.  


Donate Button with Credit Cards

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s