Attachment Style and saying “I Like You”

15439740_10154823760213967_4302509778414442901_n-1 — When a Preoccupied female dates a Secure man. Note: Most Preoccupied people actually become more secure over time when they are in a relationship with someone Secure, so they eventually stop asking for reassurance in that manner.

Following are examples of how the other Secure + Insecure matches would say “I like you”.

Secure: “I like you.”

Dismissive: “…”

Secure: “Are you okay?”

Dismissive: “Give me a moment…”

*days later*

Dismissive: “You aren’t angry with me for not answering back then?”

Secure: “No, it’s fine. I understand you needed your time.”

Dismissive: “Okay…”

Secure: “No pressure. You don’t have to tell me anything when you aren’t ready yet.”

Dismissive: “Thanks.”

Dismissive: “Well, actually… I think I like you.”

Secure: “Glad to hear that. 🙂 “

Secure: “I like you.”

Fearful-Avoidant: “What? Really?”

Secure: “Yeah!”

Fearful-Avoidant: “Omg! That’s great, but… isn’t this too good to be true?” *feels like running away*

Secure: “What’s wrong?”

Fearful-Avoidant: “I… like you too, but… I am worried this won’t work with us!”

Secure: “Why not?”

Fearful-Avoidant: “Well…” *trying to explain*

Fearful-Avoidant: “…and that is why I am worried we’d break up! I feel so bad just telling you this. You probably think I am crazy! Ugh, I should go…”

Secure: “No, it is okay, I get it. You don’t have to worry. We can make this work.”

And that’s how two insecurely attached people would interact in the same situation:

Preoccupied: “I like you, do you like me?”
Dismissive: “…”
Preoccupied: “I said, do you like me??”
Dismissive: “I am busy right now.”
Preoccupied: “Tell me, do you like me??”

Dismissive: “I need to go.”
*minutes later*
Preoccupied: *texts* “You haven’t answered yet! Do you really like me?”
Dismissive: *texts* “… I am really busy right now.”

Preoccupied: *calls*

Dismissive: *doesn’t pick up the phone*

Preoccupied: *texts* “Come on! Just say yes or no!”

Dismissive: *texts* “… I guess, yes? Ttyl.”

Fearful-Avoidant: “Maybe that is too much, but I think I like you.”
Dismissive: “…”
Fearful-Avoidant: “What?”
Dismissive: “I didn’t say anything.”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Something’s wrong, isn’t it. I went too far. I am sorry, this is just embarrassing…” *feels like running away*
Dismissive: “?”
Fearful-Avoidant: “Forget it!” *runs away*
Dismissive: “And she didn’t even give me any time to answer properly…”

Fearful-Avoidant *looks back* “Did you say anything?”
Dismissive: “Um. Talk to you later?”

*days later*

Fearful-Avoidant: “Okay, I cannot take it anymore. We need to stop seeing each other.”

Dismissive: “You are overreacting.”

Fearful-Avoidant: “You’ve never told me whether you actually like me!”

Dismissive: “…”

Fearful-Avoidant: “…”

Dismissive: “Okay, fine, I like you.”

Fearful-Avoidant: “Really?”

Dismissive: “…”

Fearful-Avoidant: “… Not sure what to make of this…”

Dismissive 1: “…”
Dismissive 2: “…”
Dismissive 1: “…”
Dismissive 2: “…”
Dismissive 1: “…”
Dismissive 2: “…”
3rd-Party Secure: “Psst… I think she likes you.”
Dismissive 1: “Oh… really? Huh… you think I should do something about that?”
3rd-Party Secure: *facepalm*

Preoccupied 1: “I like you! Do you like me?”

Preoccupied 2: “Really?? I like you, too!”

*days later*

Preoccupied 2: “Are you sure that you like me?”

Preoccupied 1: “I think so? Why do you keep asking? Aren’t you sure yourself?” Preoccupied 2: “Huh, I think… I am sure? What are you saying? Are you doubting us?”

Preoccupied 1: “I am not sure…”

Preoccupied 2: “Explain!”

Preoccupied 1: “Ugh…”

Fearful-Avoidant 1: “Maybe this is too much, but I like you… What do you think?”

Fearful-Avoidant 2: “I am not sure… I like you, too, but… Aren’t we moving too quickly?”

Fearful-Avoidant 1: “Oh, you are right, I am sorry… I am so stupid…”

*both feel like running away*

Fearful-Avoidant 1: “Anyway, I think I need to go!”

Fearful-Avoidant 2: “Me too!”

*both run away*

Preoccupied: “I like you!”

Fearful-Avoidant: “Oh really? I like you too, but, don’t you think we are moving a bit fast?”

Preoccupied: “No!”

Fearful-Avoidant: “I don’t think I am entirely comfortable with this, though…” Preoccupied: “Huh, but you like me and I like you!”

Fearful-Avoidant: “This is too soon…” *feels like running away*

Preoccupied: “Hey, what is going on?”

Fearful-Avoidant *turns around*

Preoccupied: “Where are you going?? Come back!!”

Fearful-Avoidant: “Eh, see you later!” *runs away*

Preoccupied: “Don’t forget to give me a call when you are home!”

Last but definitely not least: Two Secure people together.

Secure 1: I like you.

Secure 2: I like you, too.

Secure 1: Cool. 🙂

Secure 2: 🙂

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