The Best Romantic Match for Female INTJs

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Female INTJs may face a lot of frustrations when it comes to finding and keeping a partner who shares their goals, but also brings a zeal for life and some zest into a relationship.

Most MBTI sites recommend ENFPs or even ENTPs for INTJs.

While ENFPs are a fairly good match for INTJs, ENTPs are surprisingly ill-suited to them! The main reason being, that ENTPs and INTJs have none of the same functions in common, which on a closer level creates more discord and issues than harmony. And ENFPs only have half of the same functions in common.

The true and unexpected dream partner for most INTJ women is an ESFP.

But how so? Here are the key points.

  • Both share the same functions. INTJs and ESFPs both share Introverted Intuition, Extroverted Sensing, Introverted Feeling, and Extroverted Thinking. This creates a common ground, from which they judge and perceive the world. They both agree on what overall matters when it comes to interacting and analyzing the world, and how to act in and prioritize aspects in a romantic relationship.
  • Thinker with a Feeler. Thinkers are typically the most drawn to Feeling types, who can maintain and regulate the emotional intimacy within a relationship the best. An INTJ female may be initially interested in dating a fellow Thinker, with whom she could connect well on an intellectual basis, but more often than not, she will be drawn to the emotionality of a Feeler when she searches for love, guided by her tertiary Introverted Feeling.
  • Female Introvert with an Extrovert. According to Marti Laney PsyD MFT, (heterosexual) women feel the most drawn to and satisfied with extroverted partners. A crucial factor in this matter could be the fact that men are often culturally expected to be more extroverted than women. Besides that, in the case of INTJ-ESFP, the ESFP’s extroversion fits into another significant factor. (More on that below.)
  • Yin and Yang. According to Socionics, the two types (called ILI and SEE there) are in a so-called Duality relationship, a synergistic Yin-Yang combination, due to how the shared functions are symmetrically fueling and mirroring the other: Ni and Se, Fi and Te, and so forth. Both types are strong at what the other type is weak at, and vice versa. In a romantic relationship, this can be extremely beneficial, for obvious reasons; your partner can step up where you need it, and vice versa – all under the common goals of your shared functions.

At last, you may wonder:

But what about the N-S and P-J mismatching? 

Truth: N-S and J-P “mismatching” is not an issue, and can actually be complementary as long as both types share the same functions.


Other good matches for INTJ women: INTJ, ISFP, ENTJENFP (when both are “ambiverted”), ESTP (when both are not “ambiverted”)


What are your thoughts on or experiences with INTJ-ESFP relationships? Tell us in the comments. 🙂


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4 comments

  1. ISTJ boys are ‘we work so well together’ and want a relationship. It’s a trap because they are Ni blind. The ISTJs see the INTJs as Te like themselves and don’t realize that it’s all backwards. All the brilliant Te results are guessed with Ni, and then only ‘presented’ with Te. And then the INTJs feel misunderstood …like always.

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  2. What I have found through analyzing people’s relationships is for both genders extroverts are more attractive on the outside and introverts on the inside. When they get into a relationship with each other there’s a big misunderstanding take place for both of them because their world views are completely different. Plus extroverts are more dominant one and this domination ruins the balance of the relationship. Even in friendship zone these factor plays a huge role. That’s why most introvert friends are introvert and most extrovert friends are extrovert.
    I think introversion and extroversion are more important than genders.

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      • Good point, Yes it would but they have similar approach to these power struggles with same energy level and that makes the relationship more balance than the one-sided dominance (introvert-extrovert). Yes it’s a rough and noisy relationship, one that would be the introverts nightmare, but It seems it’s more balance than introvert-extrovert couple. Although I know many introvert-extrovert couples that their relationships work fine but I think this model is the ideal situation for introverts and extroverts.

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